My First Drink

Well, it happened.  I took my first drink in almost five months.  I could have easily drank in the months between my DUI and the trial since I wasn't under the obligations that come with a conviction, but I didn't.  I could have drank during the month after my trial and before I was fully registered with either VASAP or ADAPT, but I didn't.  I didn't do this because I was worried that I had a problem with alcohol.  I never thought for a minute that what happened to me back on that fateful night in November was because I had a problem with alcohol even though everything since that night has made me double and triple-check myself.  I didn't really stop drinking because I was afraid of it, either.  I just didn't care to drink.
There were several nights that my husband and I were out and alcohol was available.  Thanksgiving was one of them.  My mother asked me if I wanted to get a few special bottles for the occasion, as we sometimes did, but her supply was more than enough and my uncle was sure to bring something.  I had a wine glass in front of me, but I forgot wine was available and by the time I'd downed my turkey dinner, I lost any appetite I might have had for it.  My brother and his wife took us out one night and brought one of my favorite wines and my husband and I brought a bottle, too, but I smelled them and both wines clashed with the food we were going to order, so I didn't partake then, either.  We had a nice dinner with the entire family before Christmas and they ordered a bottle, but, again, I felt it would ruin the taste of my meal (red doesn't really go with fish).  My husband has ordered a beer now and then at dinner, but I just didn't miss the bloating feeling that I get from that, so I declined then, too. 

It wasn't until last Friday night that I really felt like having something.  It was an exceptionally warm day- about 80 degrees- and sitting outside I was craving one of those sweet, mixed drinks that we had on our honeymoon.  I didn't have the right ingredients, so I waited until dinner.  I wound up settling on a nice glass of pinot grigio from Spain.  It had a wonderful taste- light and somewhat fruity, but still a little dry- and I enjoyed it....differently.  It was just like years ago when I first started tasting wines and taking notes.  I've been keeping a wine journal for about seven years.  I've tried so many wines over the years, though, that many of them started to blur together.  I don't think I have an exceptional pallete, so that's not really a surprise.  I liked the way it tasted with my appropriately-paired food.  It was a very nice complement to my meal and the summer-like day.  I wasn't reaching for it a lot because I'd really begun to like water with my meals, especially when I'm at a gourmet restaurant, so that I can taste everything and water doesn't make me bloat like wine does.  Some wines overpower food, but this one did not.  The glass lasted from the appetizer through my meal and it was very pleasant.  I couldn't feel any alcoholic effects, either, because of the food, which was even better.   But when the meal ended, my husband ordered a cappucino and I got another glass of that fabulous wine for dessert.

The second glass was not as good.  I realized I had reached my limit as far as the taste went.  It probably would have been better to switch to something more appropriate as an after-dinner drink either alcoholic or non-alcoholic, but I had just enjoyed that glass and didn't want anything else. I think I finished a little more than half of the second glass and- bam- I started feeling my toes go a little numb and my temperature rising a bit.  I didn't really like that because I had some sunburn from earlier in the day and was already a little warm.  So, I abandoned the glass and sipped my husband's coffee.  The coffee was much better- I should have gotten my own.

When we got home that night, I sat outside for a little while.  It had been such a long time since I drank, that I wasn't surprised at how little it took to make me feel the alcohol in my system.  I didn't like this at all.  I could only sit there and wait for it to go away.  I felt a little dizzy and very tired and wished that they made some really good non-alcoholic wine so that I could enjoy the taste without the effects.  And my stomach was so bloated it was uncomfortable. 

I feel really good about this and I'm relieved that this first glass didn't make me start drinking heavily or care anymore about alcohol than I did before.  I especially liked that I hadn't enjoyed the alcoholic effects.  I wasn't worried before all this stuff happened, but I've been surrounded by so much talk about alcholism that it does start to make you a little paranoid.  I guess in a way, it should, and I can look at that as a positive outcome of all I'm going through.  However, the purpose of VASAP or ADAPT is not to help you realize if you have a problem- that seems to be an afterthought to them.  Their real concern is that you don't drink and drive while on probation or ever again.

Over the course of a year, I'll be subjected to random urine and possibly to random breathalyzer tests.  Why?  This is not because the court thinks I have a problem with alcohol.  The sole purpose of this is to prevent me from drinking/doing drugs and driving.  Okay, I get that, but isn't it a bit invasive that I can't drink on my own time when I'm not driving?  I know they can't really check that, but then they shouldn't test at all until they come up with something better.  I don't see how it's right that they can tell you what you can do in your own time at home or with a designated driver.  This is a familiar argument regarding jobs that test for drugs and alcohol.  I understand that a truck driver, for example, shouldn't be drinking during the week when he's driving.  However, if he's home, off the clock, and decides to have some beer on a Friday night, how is it the employer's business about what he does on his own time when not at work?  The employer does not own you 100% of the time, so they shouldn't be able to invade your private life.  VASAP and ADAPT do not own me 100% of the time, so, how can these tests really be appropriate? 

I looked up urine and breathalyzer testing for alcohol.  Breathalyzers can detect alcohol up to 12-24 hours from the time you took your last drink (but this has so many variables, it's hard to give a real answer). A urine test can generally detect alcohol in your system up to 80 hours after your last drink, especially if you're a regular drinker.  The advice given on the web is to drink only on weekends if you're going to be tested during the week.  But it's a little hairy.  If you drink on a Friday, you might test positive on Monday.  So, how is that fair?  You drank on your own time and you were not going to work the next day.  I don't know when my urine tests will be.  According to some ADAPT class members, they will ask for a urine test during class.  My classes are on Thursdays, so if I wanted to drink on a weekend, I should be fine.  But I don't know this for sure.  Now, it's not worth it to me to drink on a weekend if this is a problem.  I'll gladly give up drinking for the year, I don't care that much about it.  But I do care about the principle that my private life is my private life.  It's not like I've been ordered to drug/alcohol treatment and I have to prove I'm clean and sober 100% of the time.  I was ordered to classes that are to deter me from drinking and driving and that's it. 

So, how can they limit testing to make sure I'm not drinking and driving?  The only measure I know is the ignition interlock system.  But it creates more problems than I want to deal with:  It's expensive, it requires all cars registered at the same address to have a unit installed, and I question the safety of having to take a breathalzyer while driving.  So, I guess for now there's nothing else available to prove I'm not drinking and driving other than to do random testing that might infringe upon my private life, but that doesn't mean it's right.  And these tests don't seem to really work to keep people from repeating the offense- as proven by the fact that I'm the only one in ADAPT on their first offense.  So, what good is this doing?  Why go through all this trouble if something doesn't work?  Is it just better to have something instead of nothing?  Does this just make the courts and government feel better that at least they have some means of checking up on offenders even if it gives leeway to invading my private life?  How does this help anyone?